A very exhaustive answer to “musical that changes or has impacted your life the most”
There’s not a day where I don’t appreciate how the arts helped me through so many different phases of life. The Tonys is happening this week and it looks like the stage is returning to “normal”. It probes me to walk down memory lane and briefly reflect on the arts’ blaring impact on me as long as they and I exist.
It’s not a coincidence that my life’s phases, each a short one, could correspond to a specific musical theatre at the time because I have been deep into it for as long as I could remember. I was four or five, maybe six or seven when I knew I could hum a song, and play notes on a melodica.
“The Sound of Music” is definitely the most influential one as it was the dawn of my unending appreciation for the performing arts. I saw it after a tutoring class — the daughter of the owner who was also teaching me piano asked, “do you know the Do-Re-Mi song comes from?”. She then let me watch it on her computer: thought we’d be just watching Do-Re-Mi but we ended up watching it from the very beginning. I became infatuated with the hills, the abbey, and the street of Salzburg. We paused at the storm scene because I had to go home. Then I resumed, after buying the $5 DVD set (this was pretty new technology at the time); watched it in front of the Toshiba tube TV. I sobbed. I really loved it. It filled every space in my lungs. I felt joy. I remember getting very excited when my music teacher at school made us sing “Edelweiss” because I knew the song.
As one of those kids spending hours in front of the TV, I saw Tom and Jerry swimming with Esther Williams; Jerry the mouse tap dancing with Gene Kelly. Countless people singing “Somewhere Over the Rainbow”. Lauryn Hill’s “His Eyes on the Sparrow” in the Sister Act sequel. The insane two-octave jump (you know which one) from the same film. Who would have thought my horizon could be broadened in so many ways after an impromptu movie afternoon?
“Les Miserables” came into my life when my school was doing a school year-end production on show tunes medley, which also included “Cats”, “Fiddler on the Roof”, and many more. Luckily enough, I was able to see Les Mis in Sydney when our university orchestra was performing there back in 2015. Coincidentally, I was going big on the exploration of orchestral music (Disney’s “Fantasia” and manga-anime “Nodame Cantabile” deserve a mention here at some point) as I opened and closed my violin case many times. How could a theatre have music this grand? Very expansive — fills the whole room from the entrance to the end. It felt like no space would be enough to contain the magnitude of what I felt listening to it even when the 240p videos took ages buffering. At around this time, I discovered Leonard Bernstein. Also, being fascinated by the sheer clarity of every word that came out of Lea Salonga, Ruthie Henshall, and Patti Lupone’s mouths (so watching them could actually count as English listening practice). Not only they helped me pick up a language, they also aligned with my musical journey.
Successful movie adaptations in the 2000s (we’re talking about it like it’s the 1990s) like “Chicago” (2002), “Rent” (2005), “Dreamgirls” (2006), and “Hairspray” (2007) opened my eyes to gender, socio-cultural and structural barriers faced by many women, people of color, and other minority groups. They are the vehicles for past, today, and future social justice warriors in their conversation. Productions like “Next to Normal”, “The Last Five Years”, “Newsies”, “Kinky Boots”, “Hedwig and the Angry Inch”, “Book of Mormon”, “Fun Home” also introduced me to many different life experiences; a spectrum of emotions, and outlooks; adult relationships, gender expressions, the economic system, and many more complex and nuanced elements in life. Just like many forms of arts, it confronts the reality for the audience to reflect and act upon it.
The one that I consider perfectly marks a coming-of-age milestone? “Wicked”. This was the first musical that I saw live. Thank goodness I happened to be going on a trip to Singapore and the Australian production team stopped by the Marina Bay Sands in 2011. I was going through that notorious high school crisis when I felt the most need to chase something that I thought I needed (cue the song “The Wizard and I”). I was in need of leaving the shell I was in. Start anew. Pursue what I had thought was right. Wanting a place in the corner of the sky.
Before graduating, I was enamored with the beauty of the MGM Golden Era, almost forgetting the Tom & Jerry cameo I saw years prior. I was crushing on both Gene Kelly and Cyd Charisse. A lot. It’s so random that I watched “Singing in the Rain” with the hanzi subtitle because my Mandarin teacher was the one who gave me the copy (ok not entirely condoning p!racy here). This was also the time when “An American in Paris”, especially that beautiful ballet scene, got me confused about whether I should dream ofEurope or New York City (note: I was young and stupid). Saw many more of Gene Kelly’s works and wondered how someone could have great partnerships with many beautiful dancers, and a very particular collaborator a.k.a “the voice”, Sinatra. They also became my entertainment in the midst of high-pressure exams. At this point, I had grown to be a very old soul. I was also very inspired by Judy Garland but later I learned about the many shits she had to deal with imposed by the adults around her. It’s tragic that her unfortunate experiences had to tag along with her brilliant works. This was also when I realized that fame is incredibly taxing, and how grueling the entertainment industry, not just in Hollywood, could be anywhere else. And that, as much as we get overwhelmingly emotional and highly appreciative toward the art form: at the end of the day, it’s a business, not exempt from the many unfair and unlawful practices, and was made solely to benefit the upper class.
I went back a little bit further in time and went with the flow; from the black and white to the Golden Age of Musical Theatres. The domination of Rodgers and Hammerstein. I got to watch the “Cinderella” film (Brandy’s) and “The King and I” (sadly, the one with the beheading, and a much younger Draco Malfoy) then I got to actually watch the stage or TV special version of “Carousel”, “Oklahoma!”, and “Brigadoon”. Since I was also following dance, I explored Jerome Robbins’ “West Side Story” and many of Bob Fosse’s works, like “Cabaret”, “Pippin”, “Damn Yankees”, and “All That Jazz” (honorable mention to his performance in The Little Prince). This was right around the same time when Glee was airing: did the show help introduce more musical theatres to me? Hell yes, of course. On top of my head, I can think of “A Chorus Line”, “Gypsy”, “The Rocky Horror Picture Show”, and obviously Barbra Streisand’s iconic works (“Funny Girl” and “Yentl”). The entire show, like it or not, really helped educate ‘kids these days’ tremendously — a 21st-century pop culture behemoth indeed. There was a also documentary on Sondheim that featured Darren Criss, America Ferrera, Jeremy Jordan, and the fucking Audra McDonald, which exposed me to more of Sondheim’s, like “Company” and “Sunday in the Park with George”.
Throughout the years, all of us have surely watched countless performances, both the original cast and rendition. The excitement continues with more people doing musical theatre and appreciating it; the new audience; the revivals, the throwbacks, the tributes; the great works that are being developed and finding their footing right in front of our eyes. Cynthia Erivo’s “I’m Here” from “The Color Purple”. The heart-wrenching Sara Bareilles and Jessie Mueller singing “ She Used to be Mine” from “Waitress”. Ben Platt’s “Words Fail”. Brian Stokes Mitchell’s “Through Heaven’s Eyes” from “Prince of Egypt”. Aretha Franklin singing “I Dreamed a Dream”. Frank Sinatra and Sammy Davis Jr.’s “Ol’ Man River”. Terence Mann’s “If I Can’t Love Her” in “Beauty and the Beast”. Angela Lansbury’s “Beauty and the Beast” in the film version. Shirley Bassey’s “Climb Ev’ry Mountain”. Eva Noblezada in “Miss Saigon”. The opening of the “Circle of Life”. Bernadette Peters. Patti Lupone. Chita Rivera. Anyone who has sung “And I’m Telling You I’m Not Going” and “Lily’s Eyes”, basically. Just to name a few.
The realm of musical theatre also helped me to express myself in words better. I have had the greatest joy in exploring lyricism, as at the time, I was still a student trying to improve my English. So besides Sondheim, I also drowned myself reading the sentences that lyricists like Howard Ashman, Tim Rice, and Lin Manuel-Miranda penned. Speaking of Lin Manuel, my humanities teacher told me about this musical about the Latin communities in Washington Heights (you know which one, “In the Heights”), who graduated from the same campus as her (if I recall our text correctly but I am most probably right). What another unexpected discovery. I did not know anything about the Latinx communities other than from what I saw in West Side Story so for sure musical theatre allowed me to peek into the realities of today and what issues different people are facing.
He then created “Hamilton”, a very monumental musical that deserves its own chapter in my life. It came when I was having this spirit to do great stuff for the country, stay, for the people, was flaming. It gave me the barricade of furniture to protect what I value most. It moved me to take one step close. I took in every conviction in many of the sentences especially about stepping down so the “nation will learn to move on”. The power that words hold. I believed that I could do something meaningful. The spirit of inclusivity was reaching an all-time high as the world started to wake up thanks to the roads paved by those who fought and lost. The road that has led us to that point, celebrating the long history and struggle, and the beauty of perseverance through story-telling and reimagining: what if we had all been free and allowed to thrive as ourselves? His works have made me contemplate about what it means to do something for the greater good. What will matter in the end? How are we to those who know and don’t know us? Sometimes, we may find ourselves feeling lost, settling for something that’s more familiar. There’s no wrong with finding security.
Okay, what is the actual musical that I think most represents my life? If I am held at gunpoint to answer, “Dear Evan Hansen”. Period. I unknowingly plunged myself into limbo. It helped me process my insecurity, feeling of lack of connection, the intrusive thoughts. Listening to the cast album in early 2017, as every word continues to seep into my brain and heart — I’ve learned how to forgive my hurt self and give myself a chance so I won’t make decisions today as my past wounded self. Consoling myself that it was okay to miss a lot of things when I was younger, and to have yearned for something that fills the void. That is a part of growing up into an adult: acknowledging the lies that we’ve put up, not putting band-aids on our wounds but letting them heal properly.
What came after, was a nice trip back to my life experience with the more recent Broadway production like “Be More Chill”. It’s nice to see more stories from different perspectives in “Come from Away”, or learn about the ups and downs, and the meaning of love, devotion, and patience in “Hadestown”. And more recently, this:
As I am writing this, “A Strange Loop” is the most Tony-nominated show this year. It has withstood the test of the global pandemic. I hope that the show will continue to inspire, uplift, and be a learning experience for everyone. Hope the industry will prosper, and be a more inclusive, safer place for everyone.
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So, in what ways have all of the shows, songs, lyrics, performances, and celebrations impacted me?
First, allow me to quote a lyric from “Tick…Tick…Boom!”: why should we try to be our best when we can just get by and still gain?…why should we blaze a trail when the well-worn path seems safe and so inviting?
I may not be walking in a certain direction but it does not mean I am any less or more than those who choose to. Who are we to decide what’s our “piece of sky”? Hats off to those who do what they’re doing. Anything. Hats off to those who try, persevere, and accept all the beautiful and bad things. But, who knows if my hand could be shaking again for a good reason, for more “fairy-tail adventures, in this ever-spinning playground (like when) we were young together”? For that, I guess I’ll just surrender myself to the blowing winds. It’s the wind that supports the wings.
The overwhelming depth and breadth of musical theatre landscapes that I have explored — those alone have made me last this long. Making peace with everything. I have relied upon my back against them, their stories through their craft. My shoulders are heavy, but strong because they are right next to my ears for my conscience becoming my voice of reason. The call that reminds me I will always feel content and fulfilled. With those, I’ve got to look forward to tomorrow, at least. As I am approaching my late 20s, I have become more aware of myself; how I process my emotions, deal with trepidation, or view our tumultuous world. There is still more out there that I have yet to know, that I will get to explore, both in the theatres and in the world. After all, performing arts is a reflection of our desires and emotions, a play of life where we can see the best and worst in us, whether in a realistic or exaggerated way.
Edit: after this post was published, “A Strange Loop” won a Tony for Best Musical and Best Book of a Musical | The Color Purple reunion happened when Cynthia Erivo and Danielle Brooks presented the Tony for Best Leading Actress in a Musical for her performance “Paradise Square” (her let it BURRNNNN would be remembered forever)| Speaking of The Color Purple, Cynthia Erivo’s tribute to Julie Andrews for her AFI Lifetime Achievement Award video is published. Please watch it here.
Anyway, watch this too, just for fun.
“But don’t worry, your government has everything under control. I’m starting an initiative to assemble a committee to identify a strategy to evaluate the situation.” — the mayor from Spongebob Squarepants the Musical (damn, it’s amazing how musical theatres can mirror reality so well)
